A testimony: From Victim to Overcomer

      Picture this at 5 years of age hearing your mother screaming at the top of her lungs at your Father who is completely oblivious to the world around him let alone his wife and kids.  At that age we don’t understand that in this world that evil exists until we are confronted with it head on.  That was me at that age.  Confronted by the very evil and Satanic seed that would lead to 52 years of problems in my life including mental and physical abuse from peers, teachers, and school administrators resulting in coming from a broken home, and sex addiction.   My late Mother and living Father fought constantly.   People said that, that marriage would not last, and I was surprised that they lasted until one passed away and the other wound up in a nursing home.  My Mother would scream again at the top of her lungs at my Father because he would not communicate or talk when she spoke to him.  He was completely oblivious to anything around him and shut people down including his wife. This started a trend in me of self hatred, anger, bitterness and being provoked to wrath by what was going on.  It was a very physical and verbal abuse in my former home.  It led to getting tape on my mouth in nursery school to the laughter from peers starting very early in Kindergarten all the way through 11^th grade.  I did have 3 years of a break from all of it accept in the after school programs.  Then when we moved to New Jersey from New York I went out of the pan into the fire all over again from private to public school through High school graduation.   I was pushed, physically assaulted, got into a lot of fights with other kids up until 5^th grade.  Then I got tired of all the fighting and I wound up going into myself to protect myself from the bullies by the time I moved to New Jersey.   For 6 years I let bullies walk all over me and I didn’t want to fight back but trouble seemed to find me in school halls, locker rooms, gyms, school busses, you name it.  In 8^th and 9^th grade the school I attended was close to where I lived so I was able to walk it.  When the busses passed by me taking kids home from school they would yell out the busses “Benji Biff!  Benji Biff!  Benji Biff!”  It was a slew and group of kids doing this.  I was called a geek, loser, nerd etc.  My self esteem was destroyed as well as a lot of broken relationships that I was a part of due to the abuse.  By the time I graduated High school, I was a nervous wreck and shaking a lot.  A girl at my High School graduation had to calm me down because the anxiety was so bad.  I would use pornography as a coping mechanism to deal with all the abuse between what was going on at home and at school due to being rejected by the opposite gender.  Also the block in New York that I grew up on was full of violence, racism, and anti-semitism.  By the time I got to College I didn’t know who or what I was.  I was in a major identity crisis until I came to faith in Jesus through a Christian group on campus and found peace and healing in Him.   Due to my very turbulent past when I got out of College I went through three financial hardships and lost three major jobs.  I am just coming out of the third hardship now.  I have a resource that I can share with you regarding how bullying as a child affects you as an adult and its impact on your career.  Check it out here:   https://amzn.to/4i1JspR.  As a result of a very turbulent, violent past I pushed people and loved ones away and wanted to isolate myself and have nothing to do with anyone.  Through being naïve about the real world and desperate for money I got scammed many times from 1997-2025.  It was that bad.  I even got thrown out of a bank due to a scam with a fake check, which I could have wound up in jail for.  So if you or anyone else has been a victim of abuse, whether from parents, teachers, peers, other family members here are some resources you can check out here: https://amzn.to/4cdTBfw.  The next resource regards brokenness and the path to recovery: https://amzn.to/4xtX8yr.   Then here for further study:  https://amzn.to/3S3BYYT.  Let this be a time of healing for you like it has been for me.  Through much support by the Spirit of God, Pastors, Mentors, Therapists and programs for sex addiction and sin how to get rid of it out of your life, deliverance from that lifestyle to a lifestyle of holiness I have gone from victim to Overcomer through the Blood of Jesus Christ and his shed blood on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins and everything that I have done wrong and hurting about 60 women through my lifetime.  True genuine godly repentance is the key to healing.